my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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