I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
