she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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