I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
