oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
