Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
3 2 1 whiskey
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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