I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
