I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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