the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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