If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
