Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
