I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
