yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
