i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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