Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize