Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
