Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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