I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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