At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
