I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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