every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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