I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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