he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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