I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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