the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
