Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate all girls vehemently.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
