Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
