It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
