So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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