You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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