I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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