if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
