It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
