It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
