Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
