I looked at my own cervix.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
