There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
