Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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