You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
