is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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