I wannas sexs uuuuu
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
