don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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