I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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