just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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