I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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