I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize