threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
