We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize