i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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