I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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