I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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