He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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