Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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