Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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