Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
