you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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