if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize