Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
