True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
