I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
