and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
