4 words: hood of his car
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
