I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
