i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
