hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
