What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
