So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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