I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
