i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
